By Nick F. Shelton

On April 1, 2000, I was enjoying the first day of a week-long vacation from school. At the time, I was 14 years old, and was in private school in America. My dad and I were planning to spend some quality time together this week. We were planning to spend the weekend going on a camping trip to a piece of land our family owned in the Appalachian Mountains of North Carolina.

That Saturday morning I woke up earlier because I was so excited about that day (normally on weekends, I take the opportunity to sleep in late). My father had decided to go to his office to get some work done before we left to go camping, so I went ahead and completed my chores for the week.

After completing my chores, my dad came in the door. I could tell by the way that he came in that he was in a miserable mood. He complained how he was stressed out from work, and he acted like he never wanted to go back to his office again. A little while later my dad and my mom got into an argument, which lead to my dad stomping out the door and slamming the door behind him.

I started to feel at fault. I did not want my dad to stress out just because he was trying to work out where we could go camping. I went outside to talk to him; but as I walked outside, two of my friends were coming up my driveway. They wanted to know if I wanted to hang out with them. I told them that this was not a good time and said that I may call them later that afternoon.

After my friends left on their bikes, I went to search for my dad. I remember calling him, “Dad,” “Dad, where are you?” I listened for an answer. Instead of hearing a response, I heard a gunshot. I listened to my father take his own life.

I could not believe what had just happened. I was in complete shock. After I fully realized what happened, I started crying uncontrollably. I could not help feeling at fault as to what had just happened.

The rest of the day was a blur – I remember finding a suicide letter, I remember an ambulance and police cars coming to my house, and somewhere during this time, friends and family started showing up because they had heard what happened. I tried to speak about it to my mothers and brothers, but it was too hard for me. Friends and family tried to comfort me, but I did not want them to see me like this; I did not want them there; I just wanted to see my dad again.

I cannot explain how much pain the event brought to my life. I was looking forward to this week so much, but in a moment’s time, everything was taken away from me. It did not really care that my spring break plans that were shattered, but it was the fact that I would never see again the dad whom I loved. For the following weeks, I felt as low as a person could feel. After the day my father committed suicide, my world was completely turned upside down. For several days, I was left in a constant state of depression.

One night, I found myself at the lowest point that I had ever been. It was at this point that I thought of committing suicide myself. I opened a drawer beside my bed that contained a knife. When I opened up the drawer, I did not see the knife – what I saw was a Bible someone had given me years before. I began reading the words of Psalms, and they seemed to bring instant comfort to my soul. I remember reading the words coming from the 18th Psalm that read, “You are my mighty rock, my fortress, my protector, the rock where I am safe, my shield, my powerful weapon, and my place of shelter” (Psalm 18:2, CEV). I cannot tell you how beautiful those black and white words looked behind my tearful eyes. Those words were exactly what I needed to hear; they immediately soothed the pain in my soul. My soul was in need of love; and I found that there is no greater love than that which God provides.

That night, I prayed to God truly wanting Him in my life. I had made a commitment to be a Christian a year before, but I had yet to really develop a relationship with God. That night when I prayed, I wanted Him in my life – I wanted Him more than anything else in life. It was amazing how God brought instant comfort to my embittered soul. I was unraveling emotionally and physically; I felt like I was running my life on empty. But after asking God to come into my life, I felt something awaken inside of me. I gained a sense of energy that let me enjoy the blessings that God gives to each one of us.

Ever since that day, I have been growing in my faith as a Christian. I look to the Bible to guide my life, and I enjoy the love and blessing that only God can give. I still miss my father, but now I am comforted from the fact I have a spiritual Father in heaven that loves me more than I could ever imagine.

I am now trying my best to tell others about this great love that has forever changed my life. I wrote a book when I was 18 that uses short stories that explains God’s love and how we can fully enjoy this love. I also have been able to start an Internet Christian community called http://www.boc.org/ that allows Christian to interact and communicate with other Christians from around the world.