Christian Truths on Marriage

By Titto Thomas

Marriage, Love and Sex in the Bible are profound topics. So much so that the direct parallelism between Jesus and church is marriage. But in our present world, it is such a violated topic. In an ideal world, the bible says that relationship with Jesus is like marriage, but since in this world, the whole matter is so messed up, we examine this from the reverse! As godly men and women we need to be clear on what the Bible says about the matter. Being no expert in the matter, I just want to share some fundamental truths, both for the unmarried (as I am) and for the married.

Marriage

Now, what is marriage. “It can be defined as a covenant relationship with ANOTHER SEX (nowadays, I have to mention this)”. According to the bible, both marriage and sex are holy! It is something that cannot be violated. Combine this with the fact that it is the only decision in life that you cannot turn back on(else you will be committing the sin of adultery) and we see the magnitude of this decision. So now in layman’s terms, marriage has to do with giving all of you to another person (Definitely of another sex).

Now an important question, “Is Marriage a piece of Paper?” Although it may be a legal thing, it is by no means a piece of paper or a ring. For a Christian, it is a vow that you make before God and before people (like baptism it is like shouting out to the whole universe) that you decree allegiance to the fact that your spouse will be the only partner in your life! All that God has put in you for a married life is only available to your partner. A very important part of that is your sex life.

Pre marriage

For people like me (who are bachelors), we need to substantiate our stand. I see all around people, similar to dogs at the meat store, running around after love and sex. Now for Christians (Those who have been brought to light, OUT OF DARKNESS) the bible is very clear. Yes you and I, we all have a sexual drive. (If you do not, you need to go see the doctor!) The question therefore is, “Do YOU control that drive or does it control you?” THAT CHOICE IS YOURS! We need to control that sex drive. Why? Because God sees it as holy and set apart only for your (future wife). Definitely not with your girl friend, because, more than the love you might have for her, HAVE YOU COMMITED YOURSELF TO HER, not in secret, but in front of God and man? I will not apologize to the statement that I make “I wouldn’t just call premarital sex vile, but I would call it demonic”. BIBLE calls it plainly and simply as Fornication.

Somehow from the age of 10 (much younger now) when a kid first comes to hear the term he gets excited and wants to marry, not understanding the decisions and commitments behind it. I heard this statement once “If your life is messed up and you think that getting a right partner would patch it up, then think again, WHY DO YOU WANT TO MESS UP SOME OTHERS LIFE TOO!” And he was right, boys and girls (especially Christians) are running all around trying to find out THE BEST MATCH, little realizing the fact that Bible encourages us not to find the best person BUT TO BE THE RIGHT PERSON. The biggest question we have to face is “ARE WE THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?”. If you are about to get married or thinking about it let me encourage you to search scripture on what the Bible instructs on being a godly husband or wife. You can even go on to search how you can be a godly parent. Knowing your roles in a family is very important. And about your partner, trust God, He will get you the right one!!! I love to expound this a bit more but since I cannot be restricted to this, I would love to discuss this with anyone who wants to. Also you can recheck on the WILL OF GOD post.

Another aspect is how you and I must handle the opposite sex. The Bible says to treat the other sex in all purity, elder to you as mothers and younger to you as sisters. (I Tim 5:2). Girls can do vice versa. THIS ALSO MEANS THAT UNTIL you enter into A COVENANT RELATIONSHIP with your spouse, YOU should see the other person that way. Remember your sexual drive is holy and must be driven as per God’s instruction. The most intimate moments are really godly (ONLY THESE WILL BEAR GODLY FRUIT) only when it is between a husband and wife. Now I am in no way saying that having is a girlfriend is UNGODLY but all I am saying is your fullness in everything starts only after marriage! I challenge you to search scripture and say otherwise! If you can’t control yourself in considering your girlfriend as your sister…simple get married!!! You can only be engaged till that point! I encourage you to search scripture on this. As Godly men and women we need to hold the same weight to a covenant as GOD does.

When and Whom to marry

Now when are we ready for marriage, or in my idea when can we even start thinking about marriage? Most people just look at their job, situation etc, but as born-again Christians we need to give priority to something else. Are you whole in the LORD? Do you see JESUS as everything in your LIFE. Do you see him as the one who makes you whole? Do you see him as life’s only desire? Ok! If you see him that way, DO YOU LIVE A LIFE WITH JESUS AS THE CORNERSTONE? Else you the serious risk of either idolizing your spouse or the other extreme of total separation. It MUST BE GOD’S love that holds any relationship together! If you are getting married because you are trying to be whole or because your love cannot be contained, I urge you to take a step back and examine yourself…What weight do you give to the Lord in all this?

Now we must deal with the next question of whom to marry. The bible is crystal clear on THE most important fact about your would-be i.e., his/her relationship with the Lord. In simple words your would-be must be born-again! You cannot marry an unbeliever PERIOD! The rest I believe is your choice!

Post marriage

I was once chatting with an elder in church about this and he told me this “After my marriage someone (sadly a Christian) told me…HA! You see, this love for your wife will only last some time, it’s a universal truth” Shocking! At a family conference in India’s largest church, the families were asked, “If suppose you had another life, how many of you would choose the same spouse next time?” Shockingly only a small percentage lifted their hands! Amazing! Most couples walk mentally divorced, and as far as God is concerned…If you are mentally divorced…YOU ARE PHYSICALLY TOO! I am not married and hence I don’t even have the authority to speak on this, so I will only mention two important and general things.

If you are walking in the love of GOD, then that love will also flow into your family life. As you grow in the agape love of God, you will find that you will grow in love with respect to your family. If you lack love with respect to ANYBODY, you need to seriously check your relationship with the Lord and that if you are indeed growing! See it’s simple…You are growing in the fullness of His love, then how can you lack love for your wife or kids?

Most people say I don’t feel love (now this has a very broad ramification). For a Christian EMOTIONS DO NOT RUN THEIR LIFE! WHO CARES WHAT YOU FEEL! You may say, as my spouse came I didn’t feel like pulling the chair for her, Well, Do it and you will see the feeling coming in. (It’s a general thing actually especially when praying, If you don’t feel like praying, who cares? WHO ASKED YOUR FEELINGS IN THE FIRST PLACE. So it’s at this point that one has to pray more and as you do you will find the feelings coming in! Now use this in any other area!). It is moving from the Eros (Greek: ATTRACTION LOVE) to AGAPE (GOD’S KIND OF LOVE- UNCONDITIONAL). For us while Eros is important God’s agape kind of love must be what rules a husband-wife love life. I LOVE YOU BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO!(SEE THERE MUST BE AN INITIATIVE ON YOUR PART!)

I remember, when I bought my laptop (after much much consideration) and brought it home, I saw another one in the news paper. I thought “GEE I SHOULD HAVE GONE FOR THIS ONE!”. Somehow people do the same thing in marriage. They don’t realize the sanctity of marriage. As for my little Gadget as soon as I realized that I was wrong I said to myself. “As far as I am concerned God gave me this lappy and it’s the best in the world”. If this for a small gadget how much more when we realize the magnitude of marriage. My spouse is the best IN THE WORLD! The AGAPE UNCONDITIONAL love of God must be the supreme love that directs all of our love relationships. particularly more when it comes to your spouse!

As a godly man/woman marriage is an important issue and you need to allow God to make you function in the right role. Maybe another important reason being so that your kids can grow up in a Godly atmosphere! I pray that in this darkened world where love and sex are light words we would be the light of the world showing why actually God himself designed this marvelous thing.

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