By Angie Vickery
I was four years old when I learned to ride a bicycle. It was a big deal to me. My Dad showed me, and I knew it was important to him that I learn for him, so off I went…down the road, all the way around the neighbourhood, my hands gripping tightly, my chin lifted high; showing him and all my friends that I could ride before I was five!
In many ways, I’m still influenced in the same sort of way. You know, the desire to please and perform for those I hold in high esteem. Sometimes, that’s a really good thing. It’s helped me to get along, work hard, and be a team-player. But there is a ‘flip-side’. I can sometimes move into what we call ‘people pleasing’. And that can become very tiring. Wow, it’s a slippery slope, too! It’s actually a type of idolatry and brings much stress, not from the Lord!! How many of you have ever looked into your hearts and asked yourself ‘Why am I doing this?’
Motives. Hmmm. Let’s look at them.
‘When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.’ James 4:3
‘What pleases you? For me, very often, it’s pleasing people! And the Lord says, ‘No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs (the people pleasing game)—rather he wants to please his commanding officer’ 2 Tim 2:4. Whoa!
And, ‘…find out what pleases the Lord’ Ephesians 5:10. Directives for me and other people pleasers!
What about you? Is it about looking good? Getting respect from others? Or just feeling good about yourself…the satisfaction of being a ‘good person’ or accomplishing a godly goal?
Self-righteousness; hmmm… it’s also a useless pursuit. A deep pit of deception. Remember this?
‘‘To those who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable. ‘Two men went up to the temple to pray; one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: ‘God I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’ But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God have mercy on me, a sinner’. I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.’’’ Luke 18:9-14
Wow. And this Pharisee thought he was pleasing the Lord! It’s easy to develop a ‘better than you’ attitude about others you see around you. Be careful. Take another look. Look into your heart. And also look at the end of the parable. It actually is the tax collector that goes away forgiven and justified. Never trust, not for even a day, your good works. Ask for and trust only in His mercy, every minute of every day.
SURPRISE!
One day in church I was praying, ‘O Lord come into my life with power. I want to be a good mother, a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend, a good wife. I don’t want to be difficult to others, or mean or unloving. I just want to be good so bad!’. I was intently praying this. Just then, the pastor said, ‘If in your life your goal is to be a good parent, good spouse, good friend, good person, you’ve missed the point!’
‘What?’
He went on to say, ‘The only thing, the only one motive that is pure, that brings about all the change, all the results that you long for is this one thing: to know Him, and to make Him known. If all your life, all your spiritual growth is motivated by wanting to know Him more, and to make Him known more, then your life will find its true fulfilment.’ (Jeremiah 9:23-24, John 17:3, Matthew 9:36-38)
I guess my motive was possibly a selfish one. My motive probably was more about wanting to be liked by all. So that I would not have trouble in my life, but blessings and friends and family that loved me. Sounded so holy, though, didn’t it!
This might seem a bit extreme to you, but in Psalm 27, King David put it this way:
The one thing I ask of the Lord— the thing I seek most— is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, delighting in the Lord’s perfections and meditating in his Temple.
Are you checking the motives of your heart?
Where is your ‘starting point’? What are the ‘origins’ of your prayers? Be brutal to yourself! Be honest.
Can your motives be changed? I believe so. Through humble repentance, renouncing your wrong motives, and praying for God’s Holy Spirit of love to fill and baptize you anew. Pursue Him! Hunger and thirst for His righteousness (Matthew 5:6).
Remember this: Proverbs 16:2, ‘All a man’s ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord’.
‘Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.’ Psalm 139:23-24
AMEN!!!
Good, thought-provoking, soul-searching stuff that’s necessary to address. I also heard that if you look in someone’s cheque stubs (a bit old-fashioned nowadays admittedly) then you see where a man/woman’s heart is. We should give of our first fruits in all things, and particularly “our” finances.
Great Angie. Thank you. It’s humbling to realise that God doesn’t actually need our good works either. But so wonderful to realise that He longs for our presence because he loves us. An encouragement to seek after the Giver and not the gifts. Blessings
amazing!! people pleasing attitude is one of the things that is to be really considered and where we slip and fall..yaa to first understand hwy do we do the things that we do? love that .i remember when first joinhg in the foundation course the first question is why do you what to do what yo are doing and that is a question to be asked everytime life long in all that we do!!!
Angie awesome thought…Wow!!!…Yes our righteous deeds are like filthy rags before Him…….Lets be like the tax collector with a broken heart and a contrite spirit and acknowledge that we are sinners.Yes God expects humility from His children……Its His Grace and mercy that keeps us moving on…Lets analyse ourselves to find out whether our motives are justified in His eyes or just selfish ones….Is our motive to know Christ and exhibit Him or to act self righteous like the Pharisee…and struggling hard to reach the goal?
Excellent post Vickie! I’ve got a short story…
My church was having a pot luck and I was bringing my home made chicken nuggets. It was a hit – everyone loved them. Anyway, the next day when I was praying, I asked the Lord to examine my heart and show me if I had any skewed motives in making this chicken. I wasn’t expecting to get an answer but boy did I get one! Immediately I knew, it was like this rush of knowledge, that my motive was pride. That I wanted to show people my culinary abilities and I wanted praise and I wanted the women to ask me for the breading recipe. I wanted glory, I wanted to show off. Before I prayed that, I thought I was doing a good thing. After all it was for my friends, the saints in my church. But I’ve learned that we can sin even doing something good and/or noble. Since then I have never trusted myself when I do something “good.” I always ask the Lord to search my heart and shine the light on my sins and reveal them to me. He has shown me so much about my wicked heart and I’m so grateful and exceedingly glad! For only He has the power to do that – just amazing!!!
I just love this article.Great work.It pricked my conscience.Very humbling
Good one, and we can learn from David’s prayer.
“I want to be a good mother, a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend, a good wife. I don’t want to be difficult to others, or mean or unloving. I just want to be good” Not only that, I wanted to be perfect. Angie, I am amazed! this is a leaf out of MY life.
In the beginning, my highest priority was my father. And all through life(even after he died), I had his standards to guide me. My priority list had a lot of other people too… my siblings, nephews, nieces, friends… a long list. But OUR God is committed. When He calls us, He means business… When I look back, I marvel at His excellence in molding, carving, chiseling- the great work He has done, and is still doing in this block of human being I am. It was painful, and at that time, perplexing for me because I didnt understand what was happening to me. But I realize now that I am free from all that agony of trying to please those around me.
I only want to please: only Him.
Thank you Angie for sharing. Love you: Soja
We must keep our eyes fixed upon the Lord Jesus with pure adoration. As we do this, our selfish motives erode away and His divine love takes control.
Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. – Isaiah 26:3
Great post! this is why we should all carry out the important exercise of “Spiritual self- examination” daily, just between you and the Holy spirit, for God is not mocked. No matter what we do on earth, God searches our intents/ motives and He is not deceived! He knows the devises of our very hearts and the selfishness of mankind.
This is something, everyone must do for their own good, for the Bible says ..Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. Thanks for the reminder again Angie.
I think on of the worst things you can do to yourself as a human being is to be self deluded,self -serving, for God would rather have you hot or cold as the scripture states, so I agree, we must, as a point of duty to our souls… examine our motives daily!
God bless IMRAH